Look at the funny pictures! Haw haw haw!

If found, contact Mr Giant, Jolly Green...

I'm not sure the guy drawing this really gets the whole "carport" concept...

That's all I have to do? Sweet!

On that note, I guess the doctor's diagnosis was a little off...

Two for the "racism is fun' department:


Wow, rent is going up...

A sandwich for all the ladies out there...

"I think I'll just grab a sandwich real quick..."

Attention high schoolers!

"Removal of Nuisance"! Hahahaha!

Let's just call a spade a spade, shall we?

So uh, yeah, come on in and "test your talent"...


Little girl: "I'm tired of thinking about ponies! Now it's time to kill!"
--Park Slope
Thanks to overheardinnewyork.com

...and party ev-er-y day!

This is how you know you had a good party...

What the phone...? (Remember this?)

Cajun old guy: I'm pretty computer literate, so I know what you are talking about. So let me ask you, is a Dell brand monitor compatible with your high speed internet service?
Me: Umm, yeah, I'm pretty sure it'll work....

Grinding my gears on the Bus

Today's TFTB: Random stuff that bugs me. Cheers.

People that walk around with those little briefcases/bags on wheels. I see this all the time on the bus and train. Also at work and random office buildings and stuff. What the hell is wrong with these people? Are you that weak or lazy that you have to have wheels on your bag? I can see it for a big giant suitcase at the airport, but come on, are we that apathetic? Plus you look like a complete retard pulling around one of those damn things.

People that want to come up and talk to me or bum a smoke when I am on the phone. Fuck the fuck off!

People that pronounce the word 'supposedly' as 'supposABly'. For some reason this bugs the living shit out of me.

People that refer to celebrities by their first names and as if they know them personally. Get a life!

People that call the 800 number where I work to complain that it takes too long to get through to a person. What the fuck do you want me to do about it? "Sure ma'am, let me go right ahead and reprogram that for you so you don't have to wait more than 12 seconds to get your fucking WWE pay-per-view. I definetly have the access for that." Assholes.

People who still think "Life is like a box of chocolates...", "You are the weakest link!", and "Can't we all just get along?" are still funny. Christ, get with it...

pEoplE wHo TypE lIKe thIS. What are you, retarded?

Text messages. You have a fucking PHONE. A telephone lets you TALK to another person who has one. Why in the hell would you pay more to send badly spelled text messages to another phone?

People who pay for a Slurpee with a credit card. Can't people at least carry a little cash? Why in the hell would you go through all the hassle of charging a pack of gum and a Snickers?

Snooty-ass non smokers that hassle you when you are OUTSIDE. I can understand if you are in a restaurant or something, but if we are outside, you can take my cigarette butt and jam it up your ass.

People who get pissed off about the weather. Talk about something you can't do a damn thing about...

- HA! I love this! I work in customer service, and this is just awesome (from overheardinnewyork.com)...

Charity mugger: Hey! My name's Lisa and I'd like to talk to you about donating to North Shore Animal League--
Guy: Let me be honest, Lisa. I work in customer service. That means for 8 hours a day, I have to be polite to everyone I speak with and this is my lunch hour. It's the one hour of my day where I'm not forced to be nice. I'm sure you're a nice girl, but why don't you fuck off?

--Broadway & Pine

New York Part 2 plus bonus weirdness

My kinda girl, a complete smartass...

From New Year, 3rd one down. Nice!

Ok, now when I saw this I could have sworn I was stoned, except that I haven't been stoned in years. This is literally one of the weirdest things I have ever seen, you may have to watch it twice to believe that you saw what you saw.

Click here for S.O.A.P.

Online personal ads are cool

Ok, online personal ads 101:

Guys:
I am a hot ass 24 y/o guy lookin to meet chicks that are cool, love to party, and have no inhibitions!

Translation:
I love looking at myself in the mirror thinking about how if girls could just see me in the right light they would think I'm hot. I want to get laid so bad I could just about explode.

Women:

24, BBW. I have a great personality, I love to do whatever! I love hockey games, hiking, the mountains, anything outdoors. I am really into my family (love you Becca!), and I am really down to earth. No fakers, players, game players, or jerks. If you don't like me for who I am, move on to the next ad! Looking for a HOOOOOTTTT guy (no one under 9 inches please) to make this lady feel like the queen she is!

Translation:
I'm a "big girl" who still lives with her parents and/or can't let go of high school, who thinks that anyone who responds to these ads is a desperate loser begging for sex. But I want better than that! I want to sound like I am the cool girl guys want to hang out with, but don't get too excited about it, I don't really like those things, I just thought that you do....

Bitterness over, Amos out.

Woman: I wish Jesus could taste better.

--Chat 'n' Chew, East 16th Street - Taken from overheardinnewyork.com

New York, New York....

Paging Dr. Freud...

WTF?

For all my film buff friends...

This absolutely killed me...

Thank you Marine Corps!

I'm using this as my greeting EVERY day...

Thoughts + Bus = Woo hoo!

March Madness! Who cares!
By the way, I'm a big sports fan, but basketball is one of my least favorite sports, so I always say the same thing about it. NBA, college, whatever. Who cares...

I know I'm beating a long dead horse here, but I am just going to get a tattoo on my forehead that says "Free Smokes! Ask Me How!" Apparently I already have it and I'm the only one who can't see it, all the fuckers when I go to the bus stop can. Grrrr....

I watched some of the "Flavor of Love" marathon leading up to the finale the other night, and I gotta say, it takes a special kind of woman to go on one of those shows. And by "special", I mean "crazy".

Ok, first installment of What The Phone...?
(New feature here on TFTB, since I work in a call center, and have for a long time, I am going to post the best, meaning weirdest, funniest or just plain stupidest, phone calls I get or have gotten)
Me: Can I ask you to verify the address on the account please?
Caller: My address? What's that? You mean where I stay at?
Me: Ummmm.... yeahhhh....

This is from The Sports Guy on ESPN.com, it cracked me up, so I'll include it:
My mom's take on Brokeback Mountain: "I don't want to see it -- not because I'm against gays or anything, but because I hate cowboys."

Helpful tip: If you even want to see for sure how oily your skin is, check the screen on your cell phone immediately after you get done using it. Ugh.

Possibly more to come, I know this was a short one.

Quickie

These people have pretty much given up on the whole "customer service" thing...

Full service lawn care here!

Speaking of wee pulling, check out the woman in the white shirt.

A closer look at that...

I'm out...

"Of course she's your grandma, you perverted dope!"

"Let's get the hell out of here! Screw history!"

"Choke on that, causality!" - F

Giant post, part 2

Wow, I didn't think it was all that hard to start with...

Good thing 911 is easier to dial now, huh? And by the way, this article is one of those that begs for more explanation. "In the mirror"? What the hell is that?
Wow, talk about open minded...

Makes sense to me!

What the hell bills is she keeping track of? She's 4!

Chicken safety is very important...

And speaking of chickens, good to see China has their top people working on this...

Never opened, huh? Sweet!

"Well grandma, I really need a new place, so just go with the nice man..."

Well, I guess it's good that it's gentle, but I'm not so sure I want it anyway...

Beverly Hills? Lame. Paris? Weak. THIS is glamorous...

Halloween parties in Iraq...

Weird name, but great Halloween parties!

Don't do it Grandpa! At least see if you could get some free rent or something!

I know where I'm going for my next vacation!

Wow, the real estate biz is getting pretty competitive. That or she really needs to make a sale. Either way, I know who I'm calling when I want to buy a house...

Hahahahaha

This is hilarious

Wow, not exactly PC...

The return of the, um, picture thingy! Sweet!

See? That stuff does work...


So how do they remember the words to the songs?


Seriously, is this a selling point?


Damn, I hope that's not the donor...


Shit, I'd hire her...


"Hey honey, where'd you have lunch?" "Here." >smack< "Ow! What?!"


This might be what your wife will want if you eat at that restaurant too many times...


Youch!


I bet this game was well attended...


>Rim shot<


This must be the unrated version...


"Honey, I'm gonna have to work late tonight. Yeah I know, it sucks..."


Yum!


This doesn't seem so hard to figure out to me....


Why were they looking there to start with?

Nice doggie....

Yeah, he sounds like a great dog...

Also, the perfect work environment.

This absolutely kills me, don't ask me why

For right now, this is the best I can do, a stupid link, but I'm working on getting the actual video posted. Fucking hilarious though.

Hello from the land of the lost

So I finally finally finally got the hell away from those fucking temp/staffing/contract employers. Woo hoo for me. I found a regular, permanent, cool job. So maybe I'll have some more time to update this damn thing, if anyone even reads it anymore. But now I have to move, the lease is up at my apartment, and I'd rather chew broken glass than stay where I am. So like I said, I'm going to definitely try to update more, get some more thoughts up, and some more pics and stuff. Late.