Online personal ads are cool

Ok, online personal ads 101:

Guys:
I am a hot ass 24 y/o guy lookin to meet chicks that are cool, love to party, and have no inhibitions!

Translation:
I love looking at myself in the mirror thinking about how if girls could just see me in the right light they would think I'm hot. I want to get laid so bad I could just about explode.

Women:

24, BBW. I have a great personality, I love to do whatever! I love hockey games, hiking, the mountains, anything outdoors. I am really into my family (love you Becca!), and I am really down to earth. No fakers, players, game players, or jerks. If you don't like me for who I am, move on to the next ad! Looking for a HOOOOOTTTT guy (no one under 9 inches please) to make this lady feel like the queen she is!

Translation:
I'm a "big girl" who still lives with her parents and/or can't let go of high school, who thinks that anyone who responds to these ads is a desperate loser begging for sex. But I want better than that! I want to sound like I am the cool girl guys want to hang out with, but don't get too excited about it, I don't really like those things, I just thought that you do....

Bitterness over, Amos out.

Woman: I wish Jesus could taste better.

--Chat 'n' Chew, East 16th Street - Taken from overheardinnewyork.com