Thoughts From the Bus. Resurrected.
If I was an alien (outerspace one, not illegal) or a James Bond villain, and I wanted to take over the world, you know what I would do? I would invent a radio or beam or something that would broadcast subliminal messages into any white earbuds. I'd rule the world in like, a week.
I can't decide if this is a good thing or what. Now that I ride the bus to Boulder, instead of someone asking me for a smoke every 47 seconds, they just give me dirty looks because I'm smoking...
I don't care what anyone says. Peyton Manning is a massive tool. But those "rooting for ordinary people" commercials are pretty funny...
Are 18 - 30 year old women just scared of the entire world, or what? Every night I get on the bus, which is crowded so people have to share seats, and all the 18 - 30 year old women have this look on their face that says "you are a potential rapist, I don't care if we are on the bus, pleeeeeaaase don't sit next to me". Yeesh. (And just to head the peanut gallery off at the pass, no, I look completely normal. Everyone's a comedian.)
Anyone over the age of 12 who went to see 'The Santa Clause 3' without a kid or class of mentally retarded people in tow should be punched in the face. Hard.
When I bought my PS2 I registered it online, and when you do that they sign you up for this thing called "The PlayStation Underground", which is sort of a club for people who own PlayStations I guess. Well, since it is the holidays and they want to sell a lot of shit, they are sending me promo stuff, and I got this really weird package. It is a "SoCom Combined Assault Ready-To-Eat Gamer Snack Pack Meal". It's supposed to be like a military MRE, I get that. But is has a granola bar and a package of like Gatorade powder in it. Is this supposed to be for gamers lost in Iraq with their PS2's? Or just really lazy people?
The menu in hell would be nothing but baloney and mayo sandwiches. With Crystal Light to wash it down.
Every time I see some 17 year old guy with the hipster "supertight lowrider black jeans-mascara-dyed black spikey hair-Ramones t-shirt" look going, I have to really control myself to keep from laughing. Sorry guys, you look like complete morons. And no, I'm not even 30 yet, but that has to be the stupidest look I have ever seen. You look like you got dressed in the dark. In an earthquake. In your sister's room. Ha!
Who would win a fight between Andy Dick and Pauly Shore? I say that no matter who won or lost, we would all be winners.
Whoever invented Chester's Hot Fries deserves the Nobel Prize. At least.
Maybe I'll cut my hair into a horrible, cheesy, vomit inducing mullet for a week or two, just to see what the reaction would be. But then again, people might just think I'm from Texas.
When you were a kid, did you ever watch Tom and Jerry and just want Tom to JUST ONCE catch that little fuckhead Jerry and put him in a blender set on 'atomize' or something? Or was that just me?
And speaking of cartoons: If you are over the age of 11 and watch Scooby Doo, you aren't retro or ironic. You're fucking retarded.
1984 was the peak of Man's achievement on Earth. Look it up.
"What are you looking at, nerd?"
"I thought I was looking at my mother's old douchebag, but that's in Ohio."
- Revenge of the Nerds (See?!)
I can't decide if this is a good thing or what. Now that I ride the bus to Boulder, instead of someone asking me for a smoke every 47 seconds, they just give me dirty looks because I'm smoking...
I don't care what anyone says. Peyton Manning is a massive tool. But those "rooting for ordinary people" commercials are pretty funny...
Are 18 - 30 year old women just scared of the entire world, or what? Every night I get on the bus, which is crowded so people have to share seats, and all the 18 - 30 year old women have this look on their face that says "you are a potential rapist, I don't care if we are on the bus, pleeeeeaaase don't sit next to me". Yeesh. (And just to head the peanut gallery off at the pass, no, I look completely normal. Everyone's a comedian.)
Anyone over the age of 12 who went to see 'The Santa Clause 3' without a kid or class of mentally retarded people in tow should be punched in the face. Hard.
When I bought my PS2 I registered it online, and when you do that they sign you up for this thing called "The PlayStation Underground", which is sort of a club for people who own PlayStations I guess. Well, since it is the holidays and they want to sell a lot of shit, they are sending me promo stuff, and I got this really weird package. It is a "SoCom Combined Assault Ready-To-Eat Gamer Snack Pack Meal". It's supposed to be like a military MRE, I get that. But is has a granola bar and a package of like Gatorade powder in it. Is this supposed to be for gamers lost in Iraq with their PS2's? Or just really lazy people?
The menu in hell would be nothing but baloney and mayo sandwiches. With Crystal Light to wash it down.
Every time I see some 17 year old guy with the hipster "supertight lowrider black jeans-mascara-dyed black spikey hair-Ramones t-shirt" look going, I have to really control myself to keep from laughing. Sorry guys, you look like complete morons. And no, I'm not even 30 yet, but that has to be the stupidest look I have ever seen. You look like you got dressed in the dark. In an earthquake. In your sister's room. Ha!
Who would win a fight between Andy Dick and Pauly Shore? I say that no matter who won or lost, we would all be winners.
Whoever invented Chester's Hot Fries deserves the Nobel Prize. At least.
Maybe I'll cut my hair into a horrible, cheesy, vomit inducing mullet for a week or two, just to see what the reaction would be. But then again, people might just think I'm from Texas.
When you were a kid, did you ever watch Tom and Jerry and just want Tom to JUST ONCE catch that little fuckhead Jerry and put him in a blender set on 'atomize' or something? Or was that just me?
And speaking of cartoons: If you are over the age of 11 and watch Scooby Doo, you aren't retro or ironic. You're fucking retarded.
1984 was the peak of Man's achievement on Earth. Look it up.
"What are you looking at, nerd?"
"I thought I was looking at my mother's old douchebag, but that's in Ohio."
- Revenge of the Nerds (See?!)
posted by Prophet422 at 10:56 AM
2 Comments:
Ha, do the mullet thing, really you would looks so cool with a mullet. :)
Dear lord do NOT do the mullet thing. Just wear your EHS beanie more! Women on busses are weird. We just don't want to sit next to anyone. It's not you.
Post a Comment
<< Home