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The Punchline
By Amos Jarrell
I had a conversation with God the other day.
I didn't mean to
But there he was
And what was I gonna do?
Say no?
And no, I'm not crazy, talking to made up voices in my head.
I know, because I asked.
God told me I'm not. Crazy, that is.
So that was a relief.
Anyway,
God came over, so to speak.
I was kinda surprised, because any other time I tried to talk, he wasn't home. Or he was screening his calls.
Or something.
But he says to me
"So what's on your mind? Got a few to talk? You know, shoot the breeze?"
Again, what am I gonna say, no, I got some pretty important stuff to do?
And yeah, there was some stuff I wanted to talk about.
So I said,
"Yeah, that would be good. Love to."
So we sat down
on the couch
I think
And I said to God
"I'm not gonna waste your time with all that
'Why do bad things happen to good people bullshit (Excuse the language, but we weren't in church. Cool? Cool.) I'm not one of those people who think you are some kind of micro-manager.
You aren't, are you?"
"Nope."
"Ok, good. That would be kinda weird anyway."
"Yeah, I know, that's not really my style."
"What I would like to ask though, isn't easy to explain.
I guess I just
Don't get it.
What's the point? Of all this I mean. It's hard, and
I'm not asking you to do something for me, but like I said,
I just don't get it."
He looked at me for a minute, and said
"Have you heard all these sayings, stuff like
'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger', and
'You can sleep when you're dead', and
'Life's a bitch, then you die'?"
"Sure, everyone has."
"Ok, well, I'm here to tell you they are all bullshit. (Excuse the language, but we aren't in church, right? Right.)
So yeah, they are bullshit. People try to
break life down like that, in one sentence, but it never works.
People don't think about it enough.
You want to hear something that no one wants to
accept?"
"Well, sure. But what if I won't accept it?"
"Well, that would be up to you, now wouldn't it? I
am the one that came up with the whole
'free will' thing, remember?"
"Right. Gotcha."
"Ok, here it is:
Life isn't some kind of big joke, but
There is a punchline. You just have to look for it.
It's there. And it doesn't make life a joke.
But
It can be pretty fucking funny, if you think about it."
(Did God just wink at me? I think he did. How weird.)
"But wait a minute," I said. This wasn't going the way I thought it would.
"I don't really think it's all that funny that I am
broke
tired
overwhelmed
empty
and
lonely as hell.
So how is that funny? Are you some kind of
sadist?
Do you find humor in people's suffering and unhappiness?"
And yeah, I know, thin ice here. Yipes.
And he laughed.
And I was confused.
This was not unusual for this particular conversation so far.
"No, I'm not like that, although a lot of people think I am.
I don't enjoy suffering
or heartbreak
or pain.
But these things are a part of life, no?"
"Well, yeah, but I guess the point for a lot of people is to
come to you so you will
take all that away."
"Believe me, I am well aware of that, I get that day and night."
"I believe you. Really."
"Good. So anyway, if I took all that away whenever
anyone asked me to,
how would you learn anything?
Pain is a teacher
Pain is a lesson
A hard one, to be sure
But a needed one.
Only the ignorant think pain is for punishment.
And if you don't learn, you will probably get smacked
right in the face
over and over again."
"So that's the punchline? 'Life As A Three Stooges Film'?"
"Don't be dense."
Whoops.
"I'll tell you the punchline if you really want to hear it.
But
As you may or may not know, most of the time,
When you hear a punchline too soon,
it ruins the experience."
Very true. So I asked God if I could
think it over.
"Sure, but don't take too long. I have shit to do, you know?"
"Right."
.............
"Ok, God. Let me have it. I want to hear."
"Well, ok, but don't say I didn't warn you."
"Got it."
"Here it is:
You are still alive, still kicking, after all the
pain and suffering and heartbreak and loneliness."
"That's it? That's no punchline. That's just a simple fact. That's
not even funny."
"It's not supposed to be.
It makes all the pain and suffering and bullshit
that came before it into the joke if that is the punchline, doesn't it?"
I didn't really have anything to say to that.
So the conversation ended with me not being able to say much.
But that was ok.
I didn't need to say anything else anyway.
By Amos Jarrell
I had a conversation with God the other day.
I didn't mean to
But there he was
And what was I gonna do?
Say no?
And no, I'm not crazy, talking to made up voices in my head.
I know, because I asked.
God told me I'm not. Crazy, that is.
So that was a relief.
Anyway,
God came over, so to speak.
I was kinda surprised, because any other time I tried to talk, he wasn't home. Or he was screening his calls.
Or something.
But he says to me
"So what's on your mind? Got a few to talk? You know, shoot the breeze?"
Again, what am I gonna say, no, I got some pretty important stuff to do?
And yeah, there was some stuff I wanted to talk about.
So I said,
"Yeah, that would be good. Love to."
So we sat down
on the couch
I think
And I said to God
"I'm not gonna waste your time with all that
'Why do bad things happen to good people bullshit (Excuse the language, but we weren't in church. Cool? Cool.) I'm not one of those people who think you are some kind of micro-manager.
You aren't, are you?"
"Nope."
"Ok, good. That would be kinda weird anyway."
"Yeah, I know, that's not really my style."
"What I would like to ask though, isn't easy to explain.
I guess I just
Don't get it.
What's the point? Of all this I mean. It's hard, and
I'm not asking you to do something for me, but like I said,
I just don't get it."
He looked at me for a minute, and said
"Have you heard all these sayings, stuff like
'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger', and
'You can sleep when you're dead', and
'Life's a bitch, then you die'?"
"Sure, everyone has."
"Ok, well, I'm here to tell you they are all bullshit. (Excuse the language, but we aren't in church, right? Right.)
So yeah, they are bullshit. People try to
break life down like that, in one sentence, but it never works.
People don't think about it enough.
You want to hear something that no one wants to
accept?"
"Well, sure. But what if I won't accept it?"
"Well, that would be up to you, now wouldn't it? I
am the one that came up with the whole
'free will' thing, remember?"
"Right. Gotcha."
"Ok, here it is:
Life isn't some kind of big joke, but
There is a punchline. You just have to look for it.
It's there. And it doesn't make life a joke.
But
It can be pretty fucking funny, if you think about it."
(Did God just wink at me? I think he did. How weird.)
"But wait a minute," I said. This wasn't going the way I thought it would.
"I don't really think it's all that funny that I am
broke
tired
overwhelmed
empty
and
lonely as hell.
So how is that funny? Are you some kind of
sadist?
Do you find humor in people's suffering and unhappiness?"
And yeah, I know, thin ice here. Yipes.
And he laughed.
And I was confused.
This was not unusual for this particular conversation so far.
"No, I'm not like that, although a lot of people think I am.
I don't enjoy suffering
or heartbreak
or pain.
But these things are a part of life, no?"
"Well, yeah, but I guess the point for a lot of people is to
come to you so you will
take all that away."
"Believe me, I am well aware of that, I get that day and night."
"I believe you. Really."
"Good. So anyway, if I took all that away whenever
anyone asked me to,
how would you learn anything?
Pain is a teacher
Pain is a lesson
A hard one, to be sure
But a needed one.
Only the ignorant think pain is for punishment.
And if you don't learn, you will probably get smacked
right in the face
over and over again."
"So that's the punchline? 'Life As A Three Stooges Film'?"
"Don't be dense."
Whoops.
"I'll tell you the punchline if you really want to hear it.
But
As you may or may not know, most of the time,
When you hear a punchline too soon,
it ruins the experience."
Very true. So I asked God if I could
think it over.
"Sure, but don't take too long. I have shit to do, you know?"
"Right."
.............
"Ok, God. Let me have it. I want to hear."
"Well, ok, but don't say I didn't warn you."
"Got it."
"Here it is:
You are still alive, still kicking, after all the
pain and suffering and heartbreak and loneliness."
"That's it? That's no punchline. That's just a simple fact. That's
not even funny."
"It's not supposed to be.
It makes all the pain and suffering and bullshit
that came before it into the joke if that is the punchline, doesn't it?"
I didn't really have anything to say to that.
So the conversation ended with me not being able to say much.
But that was ok.
I didn't need to say anything else anyway.
posted by Prophet422 at 7:50 PM
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