Friday, January 19, 2007

Open at your own risk

Want a big, really depressing, strangely compelling English mind fuck? Go here.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Somewhat less-than-well-thought-out Thoughts From the Bus

The best conversations are the ones that start: "I'm freaking out here!"

Someone told me the other day that my hair looked "disorganized". I'm not sure what to make of that...

Irony in everyday life: I tried to get a new ringtone the other day for my cell phone, and I got a message saying "network is unavailable". This is from the wireless company who shall remain nameless, but let's just say their slogan is "America's most reliable network", and the name starts with a V and ends with "sucks".

I sure am using a lot of quotation marks in this edition...

I'm looking for an apartment right now, and let me just say, avocado green countertops aren't the selling point they used to be, despite what the apartment owner's demographic obviously believes.

For Superman, which identity is the "secret" one? Superman or Clark Kent? How about Batman? Batman or Bruce Wayne? Neither one is really secret, you know. Semantics you say? Pshaw, I say.

Here's hoping there's a giant earthquake during the Colts-Patriots AFC Championship game and both teams are sucked into the gaping maw of hell. 'Course, then we'd have to hear even more about Peyton (Shill-O-Matic) Manning and Tom (I Was A Teenage Football Jesus) Brady. Ugh.

Say what you want, but for my money one of the most entertaining things in the winter time is hearing California transplants bitching about the cold. "I can believe how cold it is!" "Why is it so cold?!" "I think my nipple ring just froze!" "Who would have thought at a mile above sea level it would be so fuckin' cold?" Ha!

Ok, that's it for now. Short one, I know. Oh well.

"Relationships are for the young and the criminally insane." - T-Rex

Friday, January 12, 2007

One thought from the bus

I had a funny thought. This blog is the electronic equivalent of me writing jokes on a bathroom wall. But there is probably even less chance of someone seeing it. Oh well, it keeps me entertained...

"Some a-hole stole my lawnmower!" - Random comment from a pedestrian in GTA VCS

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

One more, then I'm done. Promise.

Ha!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Ad nauseum

En garde!


"...location of shoot: Earl's tool shed."


Now this is a tough job...


Oh, you mean like Cleveland?


This class probably doesn't have many problems finding guys to volunteer to play the victim...


It's that easy. Just ask!


Jesus's lesser known cousin...


Let me guess, this is in Texas?


Sweet! No more pesky "real world" to bother me!


Honestly, I don't know what kind of meat is menacing, but I'm not sure I want to find out...


"Doc, one visit is just too many. Can't it be done in less?"


Here comes that damn "real world" again!


Frosty! Santa! What the hell?!


I'm wondering what it is that he is curious about. Something ribald, no doubt...


Well sure, who doesn't want this?


"What's happening", indeed...


Let's have a closer look at that...


Carl's feelings were very hurt by this...


Time to fire up the old Chevrolegs...


Holiday cheer for sale! Oh, wait...


So yeah, ummm, 'back pain' is being played by a squirrel with a light saber, apparently...


Style and boys too? Score!


"You guys, is this some sort of gag?...(blam!)"


Honesty in advertising goes a little too far for this guy...


"... in one simple step!" Ha!


Ok, I think I'm done with the pics for a little while, but I'm still trying to clear this mental block I have, that's why I haven't really written anything in a while.

"You shot who in the what now?" - S

"There's an angel/With her hand on my head/Still got a purpose to serve/God don't let me lose my nerve/Don't let me lose my nerve" - S f E

Monday, January 08, 2007

Pics! Now your life is complete! (You're welcome)

This guy is cracking the FBI 1,000,000,000 Most Wanted List...


I never apologize for this...


Because this is the last thing you want, as a defendant...


"What the fuck?! Where is that coming from?!"


"Whoops, my bad..."


But what's wrong with that?


Makes sense...


Occam's Razor at work...


I hate to admit it, but this is what the Republicans were talking about...


"Ummm, yeah, we're really hungry..."


"I, sir, am taking my business elsewhere. I am high-class all the way."



"Is that a banana on your face or are you robbing me?"


Apparently the same ones who wrote this article...


Well that's all well and good, but how are the schools?


Or you can hang it out the window of your car for free...


But wouldn't a metaphor have worked just as well, and with less side effects? What about a limerick? A simile?


Sounds like the usual competence level for cops...

Thursday, January 04, 2007

You: >Slaps forehead< "Why didn't I think of that before?!"

New feature here at What The...? (Woo hoo!) It's called "I Know! I'll Ask Amos About My Stupid Problems!" Go ahead, ask me about all your stupid problems! I'll give you advice about anything you want! And publish it here! 15 minutes of fame, here you come, courtesy of Yours Truly.

Quasi-legal notice: Notice I am saying "stupid problems". Not "problems". The stupider, the better. Those are the only ones I would be able to give advice on with a clear conscience. I won't be responsible for someone spending Grandma's funeral money on chocolate Teddy Grahams because I told them chocolate Teddy Grahams will be the new currency after the coming apocalypse. I know what you are thinking. "Who would be dumb enough to do something like that based on advice from some anonymous internet bonehead?" And to answer that question, I ask you to follow these simple steps: 1) Stand up. 2) Walk to the window. 3) Look outside. There. Those people would be that stupid.

So fire away, public! Click the link to the right and your stupid problems will be problems no longer, with my stupid answers! It's that easy!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

R.I.P.


You will be missed.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Not a lot goin' on...

I'm not sure why I am even posting anything today, I feel a complete mental block. Maybe I am trying to kick it loose a little. Meantime, here's an actual personal ad than some girl wrote. This just rocks ass in so many ways...

- Hello yo niggaz! It's me Cathy, I'm 28 years old. Wanna see some hott stuff? It's hott fo sho it will drop yo pants and boxers off! Check out my sizzling hott pixies and holla at me at *******.com -

Ha! That fucking kills me! It's hot fo sho!

Oh, and it's my sister's birthday today. Happy birthday!